The Ride I'm On

Hello 2011

2011-01-03T21:30:00.000-06:00

To be honest, 2011 hasn't brought me an optimistic, excited feeling. I don't feel like it's a new season or a "fresh start". And maybe that's ok. Maybe I just need to keep going with right where I am. That said, I do have some goals for 2011 (still working those out in my heart) and I am looking forward to this new year. God has always been faithful to me in every year so I have nothing worry about. He has always been in the challenging times, given joys, and revealed more of Himself. And I have no doubt this year will be any different in that regard. I guess my biggest "goal" for the year is to be more attentive to all things God - which in essence is all things life, as He is Life. I want to be a better lover, giver, listener... a better version of the me I was created to be all around. A lofty goal? Selfish? Not really, because if done correctly and in the Lord, He shall be the most exalted One. Perhaps that is what my blog will focus on this year too... hmmm....

The Weather

2010-12-14T23:07:00.001-06:00

Well, when you don't know what to say, reverting to the weather is always a good way to go... thus, this post may be about the weather... ahem, it is. We had our first "real" snow this past wknd, although overall we didn't accumulate alot. It has, however, gotten quite cold here. In keeping with my recent love of lists, here is my list of:

Things I Think About When Winter Comes

How much I wish I had an automatic starter for my car
Gingerbread lattes and peppermint mochas
Traveling to someplace much warmer, preferrably with a beach (or moving there??)
Sitting in front of the fireplace
The way we used to play outside forever in the snow in WI and then come in and have hot cocoa
Snow angels
Christmas (of course)
How much I despise driving on ice, but ice skating is a delight (I used to figure skate actually)
How pretty the snow looks on the trees right after a fresh snow fall
Wisconsin and how much I actually really do love the midwest - it's a huge part of who I am
(and sometimes simultaneously with #10) I think to myself, "What on earth were you thinking leaving AZ??"

And there you have it!

Almost That Time Again!

2010-12-05T00:21:00.001-06:00

It's December! Hard to believe since we don't have any snow here yet. It completely snuck up on me. The last month of the year. The end of 2010, one of the most difficult and amazing years of my life. I won't go into a recap just yet (look for that at the end of the month), but wow!
This particular December also marks the end of something else I've been doing. 1,001 days ago (well, 1001 days ago as of the end of this month) I wrote a list for myself called "101 Things To Do in 1001 Days". It was a challenge some of my friends and I took on. I have no idea if they kept their lists, but I did. And over the last 3 years (well, 2 years & 9 months approximately), I have looked at my list, been intentional about it, and followed thru on some things. I will admit that I set, what I now see was, too high a standard for myself for this list. There was no way I was going to accomplish everything in the amount of time designated. Alas, of the 101 things, 42 of them were accomplished. What made the list, you wonder?? Here's a small sample of some of the things I accomplished:

10. Go to Disneyland
12. Submit pictures to National Geographic
14. Eat at 10 new restaurants
20. Run a half marathon
25. Renew my passport
39. Pay off my car
44. Go to Mexico
55. Attend a state fair
62. Go golfing
87. Become a board certified behavior analyst
92. See someone healed

As you can see, there was a wide variety of things on my list - some things much easier to accomplish than others! Some things (#92) were more like hopes or things I wanted to witness the Lord do.
So, its time to write a new list! This one will go from January 2010 - September, 2013. I'd love for you to join me! I may or may not move some of the things from the old list to the new one. I haven't decided yet. I learned a long time ago that if you write things down, you are more likely to accomplish them. I absolutely believe there is truth to this. Who's in??

A Beautiful Life

2010-08-22T21:18:00.004-05:00

I haven't written in a long time. And even now, I'm not sure how to put my thoughts down. I want to. I want this to be on "paper", in writing, so that I can (and you can) remember and learn from it.
So much has happened since I last wrote. I passed my board exams and officially grabbed title of Board Certified Assistant Behavior Analyst. I was promoted (kind of) at my job and became an assistant program coordinator. I visited my friend Lanita in Wisconsin. I went to MN multiple times to see my grandpa & grandma Vetsch. I joined a small group with some ladies and studied the life of the apostle Paul (again - I've studied this before). My grandmother passed away. A dear friend passed away. We moved into the new (and highly anticipated) building at work. I went to AZ and CA to visit friends. I turned 30. I went to Disneyland. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. To say that it's been an uneventful last 5 months would be a lie. To say that it's been an easy last few months would also be a lie. To say that it's been a bad last few months would be a lie too. Yes, you read that correctly.
It hasn't been great in the earthly sense of the word, but life has been beautiful in so many ways. The power of God has been working in tremendous ways in my family, my heart, my friends, my life overall. I still can't articulate all of that, but one thing I know is this - I have never been more certain of the grace and comfort of God than I am right now. Do I trust Him more? I'm getting there. Do I understand his will better? No way. Do I believe He has the best in mind for me? I'm a work in progress. One thing I know is this:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
-2 Cor.12:9

I'm not sure I still understand grace or how it works. I just know it does, and somehow it makes my life beautiful.

Ramblings of Mine...

2010-03-31T22:08:00.002-05:00

I'm so excited/ refreshed to have beautiful weather here. It often baffles me, after living in much more "weather-friendly" places, how people in Iowa can live here and think its the greatest place ever. Clearly, they are missing something. But after having a winter like we did, the feeling of Spring/ Summer is almost ... dare I say, surprising! It's no wonder people believe they live in such a great place. They have never known anything different. The last couple days I have remembered what it feels like to live somewhere sunny and lovely... and I have missed Arizona dearly. I can smell the orange blossoms without even being there!
Speaking of blossoms, the only part about this season I don't like is how my allergies kick in. The thing is, I'm not entirely sure which things I'm allergic to, but my eyes itch like no other this time of year, and I'm pretty sure I always look like I've been crying. But I will gladly suffer the itchy/ watery eyes for the chance to be outside biking/ running... playing, really. Which leads me to another topic.
One of the greatest things about my job is that I get to play all day! Today I played hopscotch, drew with sidewalk chalk, jumped rope, played on a playground, swung, and loved every minute of my time with these precious little ones. On the other hand, I often wonder where this job will lead me/ what God is doing in my life. And that is an entirely different topic... one in which I will address in my next post.
Stay tuned.

The Self-Portrait

2010-03-07T21:39:00.009-06:00

I haven't quite mastered the art of taking photos of a group, myself included, by holding my camera out and trying it. You know the kind I'm talking about, I'm sure of it! But just in case you don't and/or you would like to know what NOT to do, here are some examples.

First of all, you have the "I didn't quite fit MYSELF" self-portrait. This is the result of wanting to be certain to get everyone...else... in the picture.

This is may or may not be (but usually is) preceded or followed by the "YOU didn't quite make it" self-portrait, in which you cut someone else out of the picture.

Typically the 3rd time is the charm if you are an ametuer at this like I am, which may then result in a beautiful photo....

...BUT there are a couple other alternatives that may make their way in before you reach perfection.

You could get the "What's going on? The camera is not working. Give me that!" picture:

Or the "Let's Just Make a Funny Face Because We Suck At This" picture.

Happy picture taking!

Sometimes I Just Need a Good Cry

2010-03-03T21:47:00.002-06:00

It's been a strange last couple of weeks... and that isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. But rather than going into it all, here is a list of things I have cried about/ feel like might make me cry. Perhaps it will lead to some insight into my recent life experiences. In no particular order at all:
1. Staring at the ocean and feeling so utterly small and yet so utterly loved and refreshed by an amazing God
2. The pride that lives in my heart way too often and causes me not to live with the freedom the Lord has for me
3. Loving Jesus and having Him love on me
4. Finding myself in a place of contentment
5. That tugging feeling you get in your heart when you know God is up to something great
6. My grandma in the hospital and the way that my grandfather loves her
7. Laughing with my family
8. The heart of believers in other parts of the world
9. The feeling I get when I'm in another culture/ part of the world, and knowing it is so much a part of what I was created to do
10. The stress of dealing with situations at work
11. Music
12. Looking back and seeing growth in my life in the last year
13. Thinking about the people God has brought into my life that I cherish so much

God is good. :)

My Right Hand

2010-02-10T21:23:00.002-06:00

So, getting back into writing hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be. I just wrote an entirely different paragraph and erased it. I guess all I've got tonight is this:
I'm falling so hard in love with Jesus right now. Not only has he redeemed me and saved my life, but he changes me every day to reflect the person He's made me to be and shows me more depth to Him each moment. I've been holding onto way too many lies (see Is.44:20).
I've been feeling emotionally and physically spent lately. But my spirit, oh my spirit! God is doing such a mighty work in my life. It sounds really silly in some ways, but lately in every breath I take, I just sense Him so close, so intimately. He is really breaking some things off of me, replacing them with truth, changing me, setting me free... again and again. I will not be captive. I will be confident, lovely, joyful, free - because I can be.
I love that God does this over and over again in our lives - the depth never stops. Sometimes I think, "Gosh, Rose, you have said this before." Yes, yes I have! And will continue so long as my relationship with God causes me to know Him and make Him known in my life more and more no matter where I am. His redeeming work is never finished in me and for that I am so thankful! I cannot contain myself... I have found the One my heart loves. Or He found me... 14 yrs ago. And His pursuit is lovely.

Back!

2010-02-08T21:27:00.002-06:00

Well, I thought I'd try my hand at the blogging thing again. I've revamped my site a bit because... well, in many ways I think I'm a different person. Since my last post, the Lord has done many things in my heart and life. I am still journeying through Iowa - quite the adventurous places as you can imagine - ha! :) Actually, this has been a time of some of the biggest adventures my heart has ever been on even though the physical place and journey itself have not proved to be very exciting. Oh well! I'm sure that will change at some point.
I've renamed my blog... perhaps temporarily... as most rides are. I feel I'm on a ride more than a road right now - again, in my heart moreso than external life itself. So, hopefully the next entries will reflect that journey, that ride.
I'm not sure who that insecure girl was writing the posts before - goodness! Alas, I am back - and more confident and full of the Lord than ever - praise Him, the One whom my heart loves!

Bye For Now...

2009-05-31T14:44:00.002-05:00

I think I need a break from making my thoughts public. It's already been a little while since I've written the last time anyway, but just to make things clear, I'm informing my readers (if there are any), it might be a while before I write here again.
This is a very strange time in my life and after going back to AZ for a visit, I've come to the conclusion that I need to let this be a time of just me and the Lord, away from some other things, for a while. Not much else to publicly say at this time...
I'm sure I'll be back.

What Now?

2009-04-29T21:46:00.003-05:00

This post may absolutely have no beginning, middle, or end in form. As a matter of fact, its most likely going to be just the ranting of a heart feeling lots right now. If there happens to be a conclusion or lesson or something like that at the end, it is completely from the Lord, because as I type this, I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with it.
I've been going thru a difficult time... for months really. I think that's obvious from some of my other posts. And in the last couple of days I have been feeling a bit depressed, discouraged, annoyed...whatever. It is easy to feel guilty about such things. I can always find someone who is worse off than I am. And I have actually had several people say that very thing... not to me, but in regards to how they are feeling about things in their own lives. Certainly, its true - there are the starving, dying people in foreign countries, some of whom I've had the privelege of meeting and touching myself. There are the people losing babies, having their spouses walk out on them, those with loved ones dying, people with life-threatening diseases, the heart-broken, the oppressed, the tortured, the kidnapped... are you depressed yet? I could keep going. I'm sure if you haven't in your mind already, you could add to this list of "awfulness". So, yes, I can always find someone worse off than me. Does that mean I shouldn't feel sad or mad or annoyed or angry or confused EVER in my life? That's impossible. I shouldn't feel guilty for feeling how I feel... on top of the feelings I already feel. Did you catch that?? It's much more about how I choose to deal with those feelings, those pains. Every one of us will experience different pains and hardships on many different levels. We will also deal with blessings and joys, no matter how small they are. The Bible is pretty clear that "there is a time for everything under the sun..."
The reality is that I cannot compare myself to others... my life, my situations. Both on the blessing side or the sorrow side (for lack of better words). I MUST deal with both in a godly manner, one that glorifies Jesus. If I handle my sorrow and pain with guilt for feeling that way, I'm not doing that. If I handle it with selfishness and only focus on me, not caring about anyone else, that isn't either. If I handle my blessing with pride, that does not glorify the Lord either. It is much more about my vertical relationship than all of my horizontal ones put together.
I was looking on my facebook tonight, reading up on a situation going on in a friend's life. An awful, heart-wrenching situation. It's much worse than anything I'm dealing with. But it certainly didn't make me go, "see, she is going thru something even worse than me. Praise God! I'm ok!" And sometimes I think that's kind of what we are saying when we feel guilty about going thru something hard in our own lives. Are we seriously thinking if we find someone worse off than us it will make us feel better... and should?? That's awful. Anyway, I digress. As I was looking at her story, I was thinking of a number of other "stories" (lives). And in a strange, brief moment I was really thankful... because all of the people I was thinking of... well, the strength we all have is each other. And the beautiful thing is that I can go to any one of them and share what's going on in my heart and we can weep together and pray together and look TOGETHER, to the One who we know makes all things new, doesn't leave us or forsake us, and gives us relationships like the ones I have with these women. There is strength in that, and I have such a treasure in the friends I have. Life does NOT get easier, but I can still be thankful... and sad and mad and confused... all at the same time. :)

Come Back to Me

2009-04-01T21:27:00.002-05:00

I watched American Idol tonight and David Cook, last year's winner, sang. I just love him! Anyway, he sang a song and the lyrics... I couldn't help but think of how much they relate to a specific situation in my life right now... and then I was thinking about the fact that everyone has probably had someone in their life who they could apply these lyrics to - relationships can be so hard: whether its friendships, romances, family relations, etc. It doesn't matter - we all have "that" person in our lives... or have had... or will. Anyway, here's the lyrics:

"Come Back to Me"

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you
You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know i'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you
Oh and i'll let you go I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So i'll let you go I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

2009-03-29T21:27:00.001-05:00

How do you trust and believe that God has the VERY best in mind for you when everything continually falls apart? It seems like it's one thing after another... and I am completely at a loss as to what the Lord is doing/trying to teach me/where He is in my life.

Spring

2009-03-17T12:26:00.005-05:00

In the last couple of weeks the weather has started to change. It has been interesting because there have been days when it has been completely gorgeous and you would think "Summer is here!!". (I did) And then, the next day it would be like 35 degrees again. Ugh... "alas, summer is NOT here". Then a few days later, "Ooo! I was right all along!" and then "Nope". You get the picture. We are certainly fickle and easily swayed by what we see much more than what we hear or even know.
It is the same in our walk with the Lord. Recently I have been in a very difficult season. The truth is, I have really been hearing God. The truth is also that I have been highly doubting that, based mostly (no, completely) on the fact that rather than clinging to what I know (the Word and His voice), I have been taking into consideration (yes, even considering can SOMETIMES get us in trouble) the opinions of those around me, the fact that circumstancially not everything is "lining up" according to what I hear God saying, and that I have let the Enemy steal my confidence in knowing the Lord's voice. It all goes back to Eden, really. The serpent's deception was that he tried to make Eve believe she could be like God...without Him, and that things were not "adding up" and therefore, God must be a liar... or Eve incapable of hearing Him; and that God was holding out on her. All these years later, here we are... here I am - still fallen, still in need of a Savior and a Holy Spirit to guide me.
But somewhere between a very long, cold, harsh winter, and a fun, vibrant, green summer, is Spring. And Spring is typically rainy and somewhat gloomy, with several glimpses of summer ahead tucked away in warm breezes, the sun peeking from the clouds, and a few blossoms on the trees.

??

2009-03-04T21:29:00.002-06:00

I'm confused...

Why is it that just when everything seems to be falling into place, everything falls apart? Ok, maybe not EVERYthing... but some important things sure feel like they have... I guess I just don't see what God is doing. I hate "not seeing".

Don't Fight These Hands That Are Holding You

2009-02-17T22:32:00.002-06:00

I am continually in complete awe of the Lord. And while most days there is no way I can even describe in words how amazing the work He is doing in my life, some days a few words click, and moreso for myself than anyone else, I write them down. I love to look back on what the Lord has done in me and spoken to me... especially when I am in a difficult place.
The Redeemer. My Hope. My Confidence. My Love. My Forgiveness. My Justification. The Lord.
I know the Lord saved me and am daily thankful for that. I know He died for my loved ones, my family and friends. This I have no doubt about. But there are days when the redeeming love of God almost seems to good to be true... because I feel unworthy of it. There are days when it overwhelms me so. There are also days when it is a wonder to me how He did it... especially for those who continuously make mistakes, those who have done such awful things, things I would never be able to forgive... And then I remember and realize that I am one of them. And wow - does that strike a chord.
Recently, I got a small glimpse of the heart of God like I never have before. I have many friends who have walked thru some serious sin issues (who hasn't?) and I have been able to be there for them and offer the extended heart of forgiveness that the Lord wants them to know and understand. And it is good. But this time, I experienced the effects of the sin of a person like it was a stab in my own heart. And I found myself so angry and hurt and yet filled with more love for this person than I can even express. And it was the first time I had a glimpse into the heart of God when He sees our sin and HATES it - and when His heart is grieved by us - BUT He is full of LOVE! What a crazy experience.

There is a song out right now that I just could listen to over and over again... and am actually, as I type this. Here are a few lines of the song.

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you lifeI want to give you life

'Cause I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Sometimes we fight the very hands that are holding us, the very ones that want to and have, set us free if we would just recieve it. The Lord loves with an unfailing, jealous love. He WANTS you... the same way a groom wants his bride. He desires you...all to Himself. How lovely is that?!

Desire

2009-02-09T14:51:00.002-06:00

It has been my experience lately to watch God bless me and bring me people and things that so fulfill the desires of my heart, that I realize I had given up on the very hope that something/ someone like this could or would ever come along. It's both an amazing and disheartening experience.
Amazing because, wow, God really knows the desires of my heart more than I do. And not only that, but desires them for me as well.
Disheartening because somewhere along the line, I allowed a lie or a heartache keep me from my dreams... and moreso, keep me from believing in and engaging with a Living God who loves me sooooo very much. And that is really what this is about - engaging with, trusting and living a full life in the Creator, who I am now one with because of Christ Jesus. I am amazed!

Still Waiting

2009-02-03T21:01:00.004-06:00

I was going to write a follow-up post on the "waiting" post from before, but I have opted not to.

I have been tested in this area very thoroughly since I wrote it, and have failed pretty well at waiting with joy in all different circumstances. Awesome - guess I have some more work to do on that one.

In spite of a trying week (to say the least), the Lord really met me on Sunday. Yes, even though the Cardinals lost the Superbowl (haha), Jesus met me and showed me some really incredible things. He speaks to me alot thru pictures and analogies. And here is one I thought might be worth sharing because even though it was personal to me on many levels, there are things just about it anyone might be able to use at some point.

I went for an awesome run outside on Sunday because the weather was actually in the 40's! :) (It's Iowa in Feb. people). After my run I stretched on my sidewalk and then laid in the driveway and just stared at the sky. The sun felt warm and inviting. It was divine! But what really caught my attention was the moon. I like it when I can see the moon during the day. It was a perfect half-moon. It looked as if it truly didn't have another half... until I looked at it more closely. And the closer and longer I looked at it, the more I saw its shape. It was indeed 3D. "Of course it is, Rose!" you may be saying. But at first glance on Sunday it didn't look it (even though I knew it was) until I stopped and really looked and thought about it. And I realized that sooner or later I would see a full moon again. All the other side needed was a little time and a little light.

It happens to be a lot like some things I am waiting for, some things that I don't see the "big picture" on. But it will all come around in time. As the light of the Lord shines on those things in my life and the closer I look at them and the longer I sit and wait patiently, the more I see that.

And so it goes, without intending to, I wrote about waiting again. :)

Until next time....

Joy in Waiting

2009-01-27T20:36:00.002-06:00

Waiting. Oh how I have hated waiting. I am slowly getting over that. Waiting is not easy, it is not always fun, but it doesn't have to be as hard as we make it sometimes. It can be a joyful process!
The good things about waiting:
1. It teaches me patience.
2. I learn to exercise more self-control.
3. I learn to completely trust God.
4. It's a lot easier than trying to make everything happen on my own. :)
5. It's exciting to see how God surprises me!
6. I can focus on other things while I wait on God... like, I don't have to worry and freak out over things... I can just put it in His hands.
7. There are a lot of other things God wants me to enjoy and do while I wait for certain pieces of my life to unfold.
8. My personal favorite - I get to know Him better as I wait because it becomes more about Him than about other things... life is balanced and as it should be when I do this. Love Him.... that's the goal right?
9. And Love others- I can do this waaay more freely when I am not focused on myself.

See?? There is joy in waiting on the Lord! :)

Focus

2009-01-13T22:33:00.004-06:00

I sometimes question my ability to hear God's voice. And that is a big deal. I find that it is not in every area of my life, just certain areas that have been scarred from the past. And in the middle of trying to figure out how to do this again, I am seeing where I have some real uncertainties about myself, some real insecurities. Thus, God has me in a season of finding out on a much deeper level, who He is... and who I am... in Him. This is nothing incredibly new to those of us who follow Jesus. As a matter of fact, I think it is a life-long journey, as there is so much to know about Him, and therefore so much to learn about ourselves as we really learn what it means to be one with Christ. But there are times in our lives (hopefully) where this journey with God has us really focusing much more on Him, who He is, than anything else. Sure, its not bad to ask for direction and vision for our lives, to pray for things to happen. I do this, and believe God speaks to me, leads me. But this is a time of standing still, stripped, in an empty room with Jesus. And He is all I am able to cling to. He is all I see, and care to see. It is also incredibly uncomfortable on so many levels - which is what makes it so beautiful. I was reading in the Message bible tonight, and read this:
Matthew 16:
13When Jesus arrived in the villages of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "What are people saying about who the Son of Man is?"
14They replied, "Some think he is John the Baptizer, some say Elijah, some Jeremiah or one of the other prophets."
15He pressed them, "And how about you? Who do you say I am?"
16Simon Peter said, "You're the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the living God."
17-18Jesus came back, "God bless you, Simon, son of Jonah! You didn't get that answer out of books or from teachers. My Father in heaven, God himself, let you in on this secret of who I really am. And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out.
19"And that's not all. You will have complete and free access to God's kingdom, keys to open any and every door: no more barriers between heaven and earth, earth and heaven. A yes on earth is yes in heaven. A no on earth is no in heaven."

And I just thought, that's me. God is showing me Himself in a new way. And as I know who He really is, He tells me who I am. Because we are one - there is no separation. The Lord is shaping me and changing me and its really incredible. Don't be afraid to be raw, stripped before the Lord.

Resolutions

2009-01-06T10:39:00.002-06:00

The new year has dawned... several days ago. 2009. Where has 2008 gone? It moved so quickly, its as though it slipped right thru my fingers. It was a good year. A year of growth. I hope the same for 2009. Another year of growth and closeness to my Lord.
By this time every year I usually have written some goals. I find that writing things down has a lot of power in my life. I often write goals and seem to see better results when I write them down vs. just thinking about them. I think there's a certain measure of accountability that comes with it. And being the perfectionist that I am, I can't stand not being able to cross things off a list. :) But this year, its already January 6th and I haven't a clue what to write. Prior to the new year I began a new season of my life, another part of my journey. And in the last few months the only thing that is really nagging me is to be as close to my Jesus as possible. Certainly I have other desires, but this one tops them all and it seems to be the only thing I long to strive for in 2009. So, that is it. I long to walk closer to my Lord, the Creator of the universe, the Maker of my heart, the Beginning and End, I AM. I need Him.

The Ache in My Soul...

2008-12-12T21:57:00.003-06:00

You know how it feels when someone you love tells you they love you for the first time? You know that feeling you get when you are in a physical place that you just feel at home, like you were made to be there? You know the feeling of being nervous and excited at the same time? Remember how you feel when you are about to face the unknown? What about the feeling of being with those that know you and love you the best... even all your quirks and weaknesses and stuff...
Well, what's going on inside of me is a little like that... all of it. Except its not an emotion. It's an intense ache. I am actually very steady right now. And nothing externally has changed much.... in the last few days. But since Saturday, I have been in this really intense place with the Lord. I know not everyone believes in God... and in Jesus. But I do - I don't know how I couldn't after all He has done in my life. And once again, here I am - in this crazy place of brokenness. I have not been the person He has created me to be. And I don't mean that I haven't followed all the rules. I mean that I am not living in the absolute freedom God has created for me. I am not all of who I am meant to be because I don't know Him as well as I hope to... tomorrow. A line in one of my favorite songs says,"The risk that might break you is the one that might save." I have been living in some fear. And it has really hindered me. But no more. And that's only part of it. Yesterday a friend had written on her blog part of Ps. 139 - and for those of you who don't know, part of that Psalm says:

"For you created me in my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well."

About 30 minutes after I read that, I was talking to my mom and this is what she said. "Do you know what today is? 29 years ago today, I found out I was pregnant with you." I almost lost it. How amazing!

A friend of mine is very intentional about talking about how we are one with Christ. I love it because he really believes what he is talking about and lives it out - and it has challenged me to no end. Even though I completely believe that, I don't always live that out. But the truth is, the reason I can say "Your works are wonderful" (quoting Ps.139) is because of this very principle. Too much to break down right now... or maybe ever. But I am completely estatic about what God is doing in my life right now. I know (even more than I did before) that I am the daughter of a King, and that He loves me to know end. And He pursues my heart. I am flustered because of this (just thought I would add that fluster doesn't neccessarily mean upset or frustrated - I looked it up to be sure :) - but it can mean a flutter, kinda like butterflies in the stomach - and that's what I mean) .... and there is a steady ache in my soul. A good ache. :)

I have a friend...

2008-12-10T21:22:00.003-06:00

I have a friend who takes risks a lot more than I do. I feel challenged.
I have a friend who doesn't care as much about rules as I do. I love that.
I have a friend who wears clothes I would never wear. She makes me smile.
I have a friend who is so laid back it drives me crazy. We have so much fun together!
I have a friend who has very different taste in music. I have a lot of great new songs on my iPod.
I have a friend who hears from God like nobody's business. I trust her.
I have a friend who could talk for hours without taking a breath. I love to listen.
I have a friend who can meet a new friend everywhere she goes! I have a lot new connections.
I have a friend who speaks so academically. I want to learn more from him.
I have a friend who has little and gives much. I don't need as much anymore.
I have a friend who always finds joy. I am changed when I'm around her.
I have a friend who draws things out of me. I want to be with him all the time.

I could go on and on. Each of these are true and a specific person was in my mind for each. All of these are reflections of the Lord in my life... in the form of the amazing people in my life.

I am trying really hard to be WHO it is God has created me to be... and He is breaking a lot of fear off of my life right now. I am sooooooo excited! Hopefully I will be able to repay these people some day. :)
I cannot tell you how thankful I am for this awful, hard, truly breaking season of my life. And I mean it.

Uh Oh

2008-11-28T11:55:00.003-06:00

I desperately want to go snowboarding... I live in Iowa. THIS is a problem.

To make matters worse, I got invited to go to MT next week to board at Big Sky, but I can't take the time off work since I am so new. AND I know that in a couple months there is a large group of people going to Durango, CO... and I usually go every year... not this year. :(

That's all.

Live & Love

2008-11-09T18:28:00.002-06:00

I recently came across a song that has this line....

"Live like you mean it, love til you feel it."

And oh, how I'm trying. I've not been able to get this out of my head. What does it mean for me to live like I mean it? What do I mean to say/ do with my life? Love Jesus, yes. Live like/with Him - how He does - of course. But how does that look? And love til I feel it - ouch. That one hurts sometimes. It sounds kind of weird, and I really have no "major" circumstances to tie this to, but I have really been feeling the hurt of love lately, of opening up and getting close... of wanting to get closer, opening up more, letting people in deeper, etc. God is pushing me to love more... and to not be afraid. And I am not talking about the kind of love that is like really fluffy and "Christian" - I'm talking real Jesus love - the kind that is sacrificial, unconditional, and sometimes non-recipricol. That is the hard kind... and also the very best kind.
Rose happens to mean "giver of Love" - and I want to know how to live up to my name the best I can. And somehow I think that by loving til I feel it, I will live like I mean it.... and that by living like I mean it, I will love so much, I will feel it. I'll keep you posted. :)

A bunch of thoughts... and a plea

2008-10-29T22:34:00.003-05:00

I haven't written in a while. I haven't known how to put my thoughts together. But here are a few. I'll begin with the plea and work my way from there.
It is really, really hard being the new person. I am experiencing this on all sorts of levels right now. I am the new guy at work, and though I have a lot of experience in my field, nobody really knows that... nor cares that much... because I'm just new. I still have AZ license plates, which apparantly is a foreign land... at least you would think so based on the looks I get from just about every driver that passes me by. I don't know things that one "should know" here in Iowa... like where Grimes is in comparison to... hmm... any other Iowa town?? And what high schools are where, and how people ______ around here... you fill in the blank. I am different. Growing up in the midwest I am not foreign to the thinking and mindset here, but apparantly I have changed in some ways. Funny how that works. Needless to say, I have realized that being the new person sucks - and it must be even harder for immigrants from other countries. Americans are rude. The church needs to do a better job of stepping up and welcoming new-comers - whether they are from Kenya, Afghanistan, or Arizona - say hello - ask the person's name and about their story - and be genuine. Take interest in people - invite them to hang out or offer to show them around... to the grocery store, the local coffee shop, what road leads to where, etc. If the rest of America isn't going to do so, perhaps the church can do what it is meant to, and be Jesus to the world, to the outcasts, to the "new guy". Please, I beg you...

That said, it may be obvious that this transition has not been easy. It has just finally hit me in the last two days that I am here... and not leaving any time soon, not just visiting. There is really nothing going particularly wrong. Many of the things above have been tough and I guess the fact that every major thing in my life has changed in two weeks merits some value on the effect it is having on me. The thing is, in the midst of a couple hard days and a few annoying frustrations, I am so grateful. I am in such a state of thankfulness to the Lord for who He is and what He has done with me and my life. I am incredibly blessed. And I think that somehow, in the midst of all the craziness of this new season, all the struggle just to find my place here, I am glorifying the Lord... with my attitude and mentality, and by being faithful with what He has set before me. That concept has really come alive to me in the last couple of months. It is good to be faithful - God doesn't see things the way we do. That is why a person working 9-5 at McDonalds with a joyful, honest heart and hard work and integrity knowing they are right where God wants them is just as pleasing to God as the missionary ministering to people in far away lands where there are no believers, right where God wants them. Chew on that for a while.

New

2008-10-19T12:15:00.002-05:00

Well, its been one week since I got to Iowa. Things still haven't really sunk in yet. It still feels like I'm just on vacation. Once I got here, it was all visiting with family and friends that were coming in, meeting the bridal party and doing everything for my brother's wedding. BUT he is married now! Yesterday was the big day and it was fantastic! I can't believe my little brother is married! I have today and tomorrow off and start my new job on Tuesday. I think things will begin to sink in a little more this week.
One thing is for certain - I am one blessed girl. I have an incredible family, more good friends than I could ever wish for, and a God who loves me like no other (at least He makes me feel that way). I am so blessed by the opportunities I have had and the future I am looking forward to.

More again soon... I think I am too tired to put all my thoughts together right now...

The In Between

2008-10-11T15:59:00.002-05:00

I am no longer in Arizona. And I am not yet to my destination. I'm enjoying a pitstop in Colorado Springs. The air is crisp. The leaves are all the shades of red, yellow and orange you can think of. It is drizzling off and on. Today I hiked at the Garden of the Gods for a while. It's a place where God has met me before... years ago. It was really neat to go back. I was able to just sit and reflect a bit. The feeling of the raindrops landing on my eye lashes and hearing them on the hood of my raincoat is refreshing. It was overcast and a bit foggy, but I could make out the outline of the mountains in front of me in the distance. What a sight. The beauty of God was all around me. I walked around Old Colorado City for a while too. It inspired me. I love this season... both Autumn and this new season of my life. I am excited about the new experiences coming my way and so thankful to have this one day in the "in between". Now I am curled up in this amazing little victorian style coffee shop drinking a cappucino. This is so good for me.

Hmmm...

2008-09-29T02:18:00.001-05:00

I realize its been a few weeks since I last wrote. I just don't really know what to write and I want the next one to be meaningful, not just a list of things I've been up to. Granted I've been very busy and there is a lot of external things going on. But God is doing some major work on my heart right now, and to be honest, I have been having a difficult time even finding the words to write in my journal, let alone on my blog. It's good... neccessary. And I will share as soon as I am able.

Change - Part 2 - AKA Going Home

2008-09-15T23:51:00.002-05:00

Returning home is always strange after you've been gone a while. Whether its returning home after a vacation and getting back to the nitty-gritty or returning back to the States after being overseas for a while, there is something both wonderful and monotonous about coming home. It's bitter/sweet. There is always the longing for more adventure, more time away. And there is most-likely equally the feeling of relief and comfort.
I grew up in the midwest. I know all about real lakes (not the man-made ones), about mosquitos the size of a small bird, about great corn on the cob, about prairies and farms for miles, about saying things like "you betchya" and using the long "OOOO" all the time. :) And there is so much I love about the midwest! It will always be home in some way. Afterall, I was born there, and spent 18 years of my life there - and then time here and there over the last 10 years. Most of my family (well, all of my family now) is there - dividing themselves between Minnesota, Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana, and Iowa. Iowa. A place I NEVER thought I'd live - a place that definitely ranked towards the bottom of the list of choices. BUT here I go - I'm going to live in Iowa. Weird. I still haven't decided if I want to claim that. I mean, I live in Arizona right now - one of the best states by far, in the U.S. The place with mountains and valleys, where you have warm weather somewhere all year round, and the option of snow if you want. Home of one of my most favorite places to hike - Sedona, the Grand Canyon (breathtaking), next to California (only a 6 hour drive to the ocean), not far from Colorado really, and hey, if you want snowboarding, we have it here in our state anyway. But Iowa? I guess there are a few things I'm looking forward to - autumn, where leaves change color, the first snow of the year, Christmas, green everywhere almost all the time, narrow backroads to explore, and the fact that my family is there. I am excited to be only a few hours from other family. I'm happy to say that though I won't have any friends in Des Moines (at first), I have a few friends that I deeply treasure, a couple hours drive in several directions. Iowa. I think I could get used to it....

Change - Part I

2008-09-12T18:56:00.003-05:00

I have come to this place, my blog, several times in the last week or so and I just have not been able to find the words to write. My mind is in a million places. I am learning, going thru, thinking about, in prayer for, so many things and people. Once again, the tide is changing. Change. The name of the game, the theme of my life. Well, actually quick change.
A long time ago (9 years, to be exact), the Lord reminded me that He had already been working this way, and would continue to do so in my life. What way, you ask? This is usually how it works. Approximately, a week, a month, a couple months (but definitely no more than 2) before God wants to make large changes in my life, He lets me know. It's a pattern. I don't know why I'm not used to it yet. I think after this one I may just really believe it will always be true of my life. He has yet to stop this way of moving me.
It happened this way when I was 17, a senior in high school, and heading to college... or so I thought. I had been accepted, had my classes, had my roommate assigned, and went to a youth conference where the Lord completely changed my path. Two months later I was packed up and on my way to TX for a year.
Then, a few days before graduating from my internship program (my family was already on their way to pick me up and bring me home to WI), the Lord informed me I would be staying, a huge door opened for me, and I stayed in TX. Luckily for me, the Lord also told my father in advance so it wasn't a huge shock.
After finishing there, I attended college in Tulsa for a semester. I went home for the summer and had every intention on going back. The Lord said no. So, I hung around WI for a while.
That November, I visited a friend in AZ. I had never been to AZ before. A month later, I was moving here. All, of course, by God's leading. I have been here for almost 7 years now. And its time, apparantly, for me to move on again.
I knew there was possible change coming, but it seemed every door I tried to walk thru slammed in my face. I went thru a time of complete frustration, both with myself and the Lord. I was very confused, but convinced that God would let me know in His time, what I was to do. I just hoped it would be sooner rather than later, as I had an apt. lease almost up, come college stuff pending, deadlines on other things, etc.
And of course, He completely kept the promise He made to me 9 years ago, the one where He said, "You will never know too far in advance what you are to do or where you are going when it comes to large changes in your life. But when I tell you, it will be clear, and you must be obedient." OK, Lord!
God has blown me away with His faithfulness in both the small and large things in my life in the last few weeks. I could take hours to write about it (part of why its taken me so long to write anything). I will post Part II soon, but the thought I need to leave you with today is that the Lord remains faithful and can be trusted. He absolutely wants for you and will do for you, more than you could ever ask or imagine. Trust him.
My life has been an adventure. And as the decisions get bigger and harder and more meaningful, my life with God becomes more and more exciting and meaningful and close. He is my everything.

I Few Things I Recently Did...

2008-08-31T20:30:00.002-05:00

...that are worth documenting.

1. Drove home in the hurricane... I mean, storm... here in Phoenix Thursday night. I couldn't really see - it hailed, rained, and the lightening was like a strobe light...
2. Made tea, left my front door open, opened the patio door, and watched the storm on same said night... very fun!
3. Played Rock Band with two friends for a few HOURS. It was quite entertaining. I discovered that as much as I wish I could easily catch on, I suck at playing the drums.
4. Danced thru the house, singing out loud to "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" - and I did!!! :)
5. Lounged in a hot tub, alone, and watched lightening in the distance. Not sure how safe that is, but I enjoyed it.
6. Finished my list of 101 Things to Do in 1001 days. I've even already crossed some things off. That is cool!

PS - the words I refer to in my last post... coming soon. :)

Searching...

2008-08-24T23:48:00.001-05:00

Still looking for the words to my next post... but don't worry, it will be worth the wait. :) There is so much to say. I just want to be sure to say it at the right time and with the best words possible. I am simply in awe...

Pursued

2008-08-21T13:31:00.002-05:00

The last week or so has been full of opportunities to feel discouraged and alone. And at times I have given into those things. But then, when I step back and sink into the presence of the Almighty One, I cannot help but feel loved and cared for. The problem with me is that sometimes when I feel as though God is silent, I pull away, back off from my time with Him, rather than pressing in to just know Him, more than spending time with Him to know what He has planned next for my life - huge mistake. My friend Ben couldn't have put it any better - he said he feels like he's moving forward by bumping up against closed doors instead of having clear direction forward. That is exactly how I feel. And that can be both discouraging and an opportunity to grow in my faith, trusting this God I know will come thru for me. And if I have no direction, maybe I need to just stay where I am (physically) until He tells me to move... and perhaps that is the only thing I have not completely surrendered yet. I don't really want to be where I am anymore... but I will stay if its where God wants me. He knows my hearts desires, and thus far, He has done more than I could ask or imagine in my life. I have to believe He won't stop now.
I had a great time worshipping and praying last night, and I am so thankful that God is patient with me and that He pursues me continuously.

God does not fit in my box!

2008-08-10T18:06:00.002-05:00

At the risk of completely being misunderstood, I'm going to write anyway. :)
Been having a trying last few days. Not only did I come back from visiting family and friends and have to go back to work the very next day (ugh), but my ceiling was leaking, a lot of my shifts at work got cancelled (long story), and I ended up working the night shift for the first time. I came back to work on a Friday and it felt like a Monday. I had to train my body to stay up all night long and I thought today was Monday, but its actually Sunday... I'm just a little mixed up - haha!
Needless to say, all of these smaller things have put me in a place of irritation and little patience. So, I sat down yesterday and cried out to the Lord. But I didn't hear Him say anything back. I left quickly and felt disappointed and even more frustrated... with life in general. All the little things have just brought out the larger, more real issued that are frustrating me so much. Again today, I began to worship and just listen. Actually, that's not accurate. First I just got really mad at God because I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing right now. Then I calmed down and figured out it would be a good idea for me to sit in His presence and worship and wait... so I did. And it came down to this.
I have put God in a box. And the most frustrating part about this is that I know that less than 2 weeks ago, I was not in this place. I hate when I do that! Somehow my peace and assurance has turned into worry and disbelief. Ironically enough (not really) I'm preaching at church next Sunday on the passage in Matthew 6 about worry... about not worrying. God is teaching me something... or trying, if I would just listen.
There is so much I could write... God gave me such revelation today. But what it comes down to is that I have put God in a box and expected Him to do "miraculous" things that fit inside my box... which is not really miraculous at all. Duh! So, its not been happening. Some of it is out of fear, some out of condemnation and the attack of the Enemy. But I am beginning to remember in my heart of hearts again, what I am here for, to Love GOD. And that gives me peace and reassurance. I've forgotten to seek first the kingdom of God and let everything else be added... by Him. I have been trying to do an awful lot on my own... and failing miserably. Imagine that! God is so faithful to me!!!

Take It All

2008-08-08T00:09:00.002-05:00

I am back from the midwest. I'm not that excited to be back. It was such a great week! I was truly blessed, but I also am coming back with even more uncertainties about the future and what God is doing in my life. I know inside that all I want is to know Him more and for others to know him. That's ultimately the mission, the goal. But its like I get so passionate about the difference I could make in the world, the people I could help, the things I could do, that when the way I see it all working in my head doesn't translate to what is actually happening in my life, I get confused. I know God is in control and I have a certain amount of peace, but to say I'm completely at peace would just plain be a lie. I am even more confused about where I am going and what God is doing in my life than when I left for my "vacation". What are you trying to teach me, speak to me, God? Where are you taking me? I just feel overwhelmed! I heard this song tonight by Third Day and the lyrics are great. I think I'll share them...

Take it all
‘Cause I can’t take it any longer
All I have, I can’t make it on my own
Take the first, take the last
Take the good and take the rest
Here I am, all I have
Take it all
All the roads that lie before me
All the struggles I go through
Every second I’m reminded
That it all belongs to you
Now I’m ready
To let it go
To give it away
Ever since I died to myself
You gave a better life to me
I give you my finest moment
I give you the last breath I breathe
Take it all

I know its all His. I know He lives in me and therefore, because of the power of the Holy Spirit, I have everything I need for life and godliness. I know He wants to use me more than I want to be used. I know I can hear Him. I know He speaks. I know this journey is not about what I do. But I am having a difficult time the last few days. I feel like a wandering child, kind of lost in a very big wilderness. God, I need You.

Obedience

2008-08-03T15:29:00.002-05:00

Today I went to my parents church here in IA. It was a fantastic service. The pastor is very real and shares the truth with power and love. The message this morning was about obedience. Very challenging, very good. One thing he said wasn't something I hadn't heard before, but it really has stuck with me thru the day. He said (just like Scripture says) that when we were babies, we needed to be treated like babies, but as we mature in the Lord, God does not need to tell us EVERY single thing about how we should live - He doesn't need to tell me what to wear, how to act in every minute, how to talk to people.
I know these things thru being in His word and applying the wisdom and knowledge He gives thru it. Does God still speak to me when I pray and listen? Sure He does! And I eat it up and love it! But if I don't hear God speaking something specific to me about my life, how I should act, the direction for it, I use the wisdom and knowledge He gives me thru His word - He speaks thru that. His Word is alive and applicable for now. The more we spend time reading the word, the more knowledge and wisdom we gain on how God desires us to live, and the more time we spend in His word, the more we delight in God and the heart of God. The more we delight in the Lord, the more we desire obedience more than our fleshly desires. The more we desire that obedience, the more we are apt to actually BE obedient and the more we live in tune to God and in the communion He desires with us. Obedience is not meant to be something that ruins our lives, but to show us how to live the most full life we possibly can.

What to Do...

2008-08-03T00:19:00.002-05:00

I'm home visiting family in the midwest and its been awesome... actually I didn't even realize I just called this home until right now... weird. I have actually never lived in Iowa. But I guess home is where people I love are, where pieces of my heart are. So, for me home consists of IA, MN, WI, AZ, TX, Kenya, and a few other places that I have left pieces of my heart. It's been a great trip so far, full of days unplanned, which I love for the most part. Been able to see family, meet new people, see new places, take some great pictures, and think... which is something I often do when I go to a different place. God always meets me when I travel... no matter where it is I go. The last few days my thoughts are constantly of the overwhelming favor of and faithfulness of God on my life. They are thoughts of wonder and hope for the future. They are thoughts of awe as to what God is up to. I really have no idea is the thing. But I am excited to see how it all pans out.
On another note, you know when you meet someone that just makes your heart so happy? How it is to just want to be around that person? How easy it is to have that friendship? I love that...

He Gives and Takes Away

2008-07-20T18:23:00.002-05:00

It has been a day of reminiscing - of recalling time of ministry, not just telling people about our Jesus, but living with one another in community, thru difficulty, laughter, and day to day life. A friend said today that he has gotten to go many places, do a lot of fun things, be on incredible adventures, but when it comes down to it, its the day to day being in each other's lives that are what are so sweet about ministry. It's what Jesus did. He simply lived with people. With. What a great word. Not alone, without, empty or forgotten - but with. The fulfillment that I seek and need in my life comes first from God alone, but then from friendships and relationships He brings in my life. And it's not without pain. The hard thing about relationships is that they are work, and they hurt... sometimes a lot. And God gives and takes away - people, dreams, opportunities... and it hurts to say goodbye at times. But I would rather hurt saying goodbye because I loved and invested, than to never have to hurt because I never let anyone in. This is the sweetest of hurts. My life is full because of the people God has brought into it. Often people are surprised by how much I invest in relationships and people, but I cannot imagine living any other way. The great thing about God is that even when He takes things or people away, He sometimes brings them back later... changed, better, different. And its so beautiful. I love that. Thank you, Father, for all you have taken from me and what You have given, as well.

Full Circle

2008-07-13T02:57:00.002-05:00

It's one o'clock in the morning and I probably shouldn't be writing on here. I'm exhausted. I've been working so much lately. But I am also with so much thought, and they are keeping me up at night. Some might call this stress... and there may be an element of that. The truth is, sometimes this is what God does in my life as He is changing things, reminding me of things, teaching me, growing me, etc. I need time to reflect and think. And lately, that time happens to be from like midnight to 2am. Not so easy on the work schedule, or my body, but hey, I want to learn and hear from God, and if its at 2am, that's cool with me. :)
I've been fortunate to reconnect with a lot of friends from my childhood and my time of ministry in Texas lately. This, of course, reminds me of so many seasons of life, so many lessons learned, and brings me back full circle to who I am now. God has done some incredible things in my life.
The other night I was listening to a song by Barlow Girl called Surrender and one of the lines says something like this:
"Surrender, surrender you whisper gently You say I will be free I know but can't you see? My dreams are me. My dreams are me."
The song is all about surrendering our dreams to God and how its so difficult because our dreams are us, what we are about, what we have clung to, who we have become. I've listened to this song many times, but the other night, something hit me. My dreams are not me... neccessarily. They can be - and if they are part of me and my life, they will happen - the vision will not tarry - but Jesus knows who I am. And in the past, some of the very things that were so hard to give up, to surrender to God, are the very things I don't even want anymore. God has replaced them with something so much better. He knows me - He knows who He has created me to be. And its lovely. I love this path. I worry kind of a lot... ok a lot. Or I used too. But not anymore so much - I have come to trust what God is doing in my life and who He is causing me to become. It all comes together and I cannot deny that when I look back and see His faithfulness in my life over the last 28 years. Even before I knew Him, He was working in my life and He has never let me down.

Time

2008-07-09T21:00:00.002-05:00

I figured it was time to have a place for all of my adventures to be shown, learned from, heard about, etc. My adventures don't always consist of going to exotic, great places, or doing crazy things, although there is some of that. Most of my adventures are about day to day life, learning what that is, how it looks, and who is involved. My adventure is ultimately about discovering God and who He is, whether I am skydiving, on safari, rock climbing, hiking... or just reading a book, watching a good movie, and having coffee with friends. Life is an adventure... and this site is dedicated to mine. May it inspire you, challenge you, make you laugh, and give you hope in the midst of normalcy, difficulty, or despair.